You’ve probably heard of different attachment styles and how some can be more problematic than others. Having a secure attachment style is ideal because it features the healthiest communication patterns.
That’s why many people with other attachment styles strive for secure attachment (with help). But, what is a secure attachment style?
When you have a secure attachment style, you’re ready for mature relationships. You’re comfortable expressing your emotions and physical affection. More importantly, someone with a secure attachment style knows how to set boundaries and can accept rejection if it occurs, without letting it destroy their self-esteem.
Let’s look at secure attachment and why it’s one of the healthiest forms of attachment in a relationship.
Open Communication
Communication is one of the most important factors in any healthy relationship. It involves more than just listening to someone and being able to respond. Open communication means telling someone what you’re feeling, when you’re feeling it.
Those with a secure attachment style are great communicators in relationships. They can express themselves whether the situation is positive or negative. If they’re involved in an argument, they can give their point of view while listening to another. They’re able to embrace a meaningful, progressive dialogue.
Those with secure attachment styles also have no problem saying what they want and need. So often in relationships, people shy away from their true needs because they don’t want to seem overbearing or they struggle with vulnerability.
For someone with a secure attachment style, being direct with their needs comes more naturally. They’re able to state their needs without feeling guilty or coming off as accusatory and their relationships are often strengthened because of it.
Rejection Acceptance
No one likes to feel rejected. Often, people take rejection too seriously or think it means something it doesn’t. It can completely crush confidence and faith in a relationship for some people.
That isn’t the case for someone with a secure attachment style.
Accepting rejection shows maturity and a willingness to learn and grow. Someone with this style won’t take rejection as a sign of “failure”. Rather, they will figure out what it really means.
Sometimes it could be something as simple as their partner needing some space or not wanting to do something. That certainly doesn’t signify any problems in the relationship and those with a secure attachment style recognize that.
Setting Boundaries
We touched on it above, but one of the most important aspects of this attachment style is the ability to set boundaries. When you look at other attachment styles, you’ll see everything from people who let their partners walk all over them to those who simply can’t say “no”.
A person with a secure attachment style typically has no problem saying no. They are able to recognize when something goes too far, and they will speak up about it. They also communicate their boundaries without hesitation before something happens. They don’t wait for a partner or friend to cross boundaries before letting them know what those boundaries are.
If this sounds too good to be true, it doesn’t have to be. Other attachment styles often lack the maturity and openness that a secure attachment style has. But, you can work toward developing those skills and shifting your personal attachment style with help.
Now that you have a better understanding of this attachment style, how does it compare to your own? If you’re struggling in a romantic relationship or with friends and family members, feel free to contact me.
It is possible to grow and work toward a secure attachment style so every relationship in your life can benefit as a result.
For more information about trauma therapy, click here.
